The Real Big Fight
by Heir Of All Things
Summary: Yeah guess what? Goku and his friends are out and about and an alien comes along to conquer the world. Are there Dragonball Z stories about other things?


The Z-Fighters had all come together for their yearly meeting. Things had died down since the whole thing with Majin Buu, but nevertheless, every year the Z-Fighters would gather somewhere (a beach or the lookout usually) and set out their coolers and lawnchairs, anticipating an inevitable alien attack. Some of them would also enjoy the chance to socialize, but many of them, like Yamcha, did not have feelings.

"So what do you think's gonna happen this time, Goku?", said Piccolo, cracking open a cold one, "More saiyans? Some other alien? A previously defeated villian who is now a cyborg?"

"What does 'previously' mean, Piccolo?", Goku asked him.

"Previously describes a past event. Something that has already happened.", answered Piccolo sagely, taking a slug from his beer. Goku looked blankly at him for a minute.

"Oh! I get it! Like I _previously_ huffed gas earlier today.", Goku finally said.

"Right, except you don't need to say 'earlier' after you've already said 'previously'."

Now Vegeta walked over for some reason.

"How pathetic.", said Vegeta, then continuing after taking a second to lean up against something and smirk with his arms folded, "Even the Namek can surpass your vocabulary, Kakorrot!"

"What that's a saiyan thing too, now? Verbal comprehension?", asked Piccolo, who had started drinking faster when he saw Vegeta coming over.

"As a matter of fact... _it is_.", said Vegeta with an evil laugh, "Every time a saiyan loses or almost loses a spelling bee, he wins two more! So he can never lose. And since I am the prince of all saiyans, I know all words that have ever existed."

"Where are you getting this stuff? There's not even any internal consistency to that claim."

"I... uh... have a book at home and uh... it's all very science and you wouldn't understand.", said Vegeta, who attempted to somehow cross his arms more.

Now all the sudden, some big scary alien motherfucker comes out. He looks kind of like a duck.

"I am the evil Lord Devil Deggs! I am hear to conquer your planet!", He said loudly, and then pointed at some scruffy-looking weirdos who had also arrived, although no one saw them for some reason, "These are my EVIL henchmen, Hardaboild and Sunnysideup!"

"Oh, here we go. I was wondering when they would show up.", said Piccolo, cracking open another beer.

"I'm afraid this planet already belongs to me.", said Vegeta with a cocky expression, "You see, I am the prince of all saiyans. I am the most powerful warrior in all the universe! And I have never been defeated. So I suggest you just turn back now."

"Wot's a saiyan?", asked Lord Devil Deggs.

"You don't know?", Vegeta asked, completely awestruck.

"Why would he know? There's like five left in the universe.", Piccolo interjected.

"You're only the prince of like five people? Wow, I mean, you had me at first, but now... I mean...", said Devil Deggs, "I can't say I'm very impressed."

"Saiyans are the most powerful warriors in all the universe!". screamed Vegeta, losing patience.

"Alright, I mean.. that's cool I guess. So what are they?"

Vegeta turned purple with disgust.

"A saiyan is like this sort of.. intergalactic weremonkey that..", Piccolo started, sipping his beer, ".. they get stronger every time they almost die and their hair turns gold when they get pissed. And lightning starts shooting everywhere and shit. It's fucked up."

"I guess that _is_ pretty neat.", admitted Lord Devil Deggs.

"See Vegeta? If you communicate instead of getting angry all the time, you might find that others share your interests.", said Piccolo.

"I HAVE NO INTERESTS! I AM THE PRINCE OF ALL SAIYANS!", Vegeta shouted, transforming into a Super Saiyan. Then they began a really intense fight that looked suspiciously like they were just flailing their limbs around randomly. Soon, they stopped arbitrarily and began breathing loudly and talking shit.

"You are not a bad fighter but you have not seen my penultimate technique!", and with this Lord Devil Deggs started up a flashy attack that looked somewhat interesting, but was not substantially different from the Kamehameha or whatever.

"Aaaah! Your pathetic technique will be no match for my Garlic Gun!". Vegeta yelled at a furious, and to many inappropriate volume.

"Woah, hey, are we going Super Saiyan in here already? I haven't even lit up yet.", it was Gohan, he had walked in late, and after sampling the hors d'oeuvres (some pretty good cheese and crackers), he had come over to see what all the clatter was.

"Woah, hey, you're not even baked? Vegeta, Lord Bacon Legs, you should hold up on this fight here.", Goku interjected,"We don't go super saiyan and as much we use to and I want everyone to be _on the level _and have a good time, you know?"

Vegeta was offended and started saying a bunch of shit about the saiyans and he was all butthurt that they were going to hold off the fight. You know how he talks, it was all just about the saiyans, I'm not even going to write it out. No one really cared.

"What the fuck ever, Vegeta, we're getting stoned.", said Goku. The Z-Fighters, Lord Devil Deggs, and even his two throwaway henchmen all gathered around as Piccolo began rolling a fatty on Gohan's vinyl copy of _The Royal Scam._ Piccolo had some really dank shit he had got from Korin earlier that day and of course Future Trunks, who was in for the weekend, threw down like a whole dime, he had always had the fat sack, and he recently been growing some medical in Dr. Gero's old lab. Lord Devil Deggs even threw in some funky space shit he bought from George Clinton. Everyone threw down, except for Vegeta who had a stick up his ass and was more into crank anyway, and the two henchmen who were moochers .

"You two can have _a couple hits,_ ok? Seriously.", Piccolo said firmly. They were being faggy about it.

"So, Trunks, how's the future?", said Gohan taking a drag. Non-Future Trunks noticed at this point that whenever someone said Trunks, they meant Future Trunks, and he was kind of sad.

"Not bad. _Ghostbusters 3_ finally came out."

"Was it good?", Gohan passed it to Trunks.

"Nah, it was naff.", said Future Trunks holding in a big hit, "Bill Murray's good in it though."

"So, Lord Bagel Jegs, how long have you been an evil overlord?", Goku asked with his usual politeness.

"Oh, long as I can remember really."

"How did you fall into it?"

"Well, me dad was an evil overlord."

"That come with a big tax break?"

"It's decent."

A good hour went by as the thing made its way around the room and they were all getting pretty baked.

"Usually the aliens we fight are more... dicks.", observed Gohan.

"Yeah, except for Cell.", said Goku,"Cell was very handsome."

Gohan gave his father a weird look and Trunks looked over at Gohan for an explanation and he looked back at Trunks with a silent "Hell if I know". They ordered a pizza and they were still going to fight, but it got pretty late and Lord Devil Deggs just went home and said they could do it another time. The two henchmen died on their way home because they were driving drunk.


End file.
